It was a year yesterday that my dad committed suicide. I thought it would be a horrible and wretched day, but it wasn't. All day I was thinking of past memories, the last conversation I had with him, imagining what it was like to take your own life (I would never!), what my dad was going through, ect.. I woke up and headed to Spanish Fork (where my father is buried and where his parents live..) I got the flowers that I ordered for him and headed to the cemetary. When I got there, I had so many emotions hit me all at once. Anger, sadness, happiness, and irritation that his parents couldn't leave room for my flowers. They had big bouquets of fake roses in the vases and a basket of pansies. I sat on his grave for about twenty minutes going over everything and also talking to him. Mostly I chastised him and asked a lot of questions. Of course my father couldn't give me any of the answers I wanted, but My Father in Heaven gave me comfort. After leaving the gravesite, I visited my grandparents. My grandmother was surprised to have me there and I think it pleased her though. I believe she was very lonely and I am glad that I went and visited with her.
After I left their house, I headed to Heber City where I rented a room to stay for the night. I had an amazing time there. I went swimming for about two hours by myself- which relaxed me. Then I preceded to spend and hour in my jetted tub in my room. Oh it was a good feeling. I spent the rest of the night to my self thinking and pondering also watching tv. I came home today which was a beautiful drive- ( if you get a chance take a drive up provo canyon you will enjoy it!)
-------
On another note... I think I made a mistake writing a friend off. I miss talking with him and his company. It may be too late to reconcile anything but I hope I can try. I do have some issues to work out though.
